hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
