so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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