I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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