He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
