don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
accomplished twins. life is a go
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's always time for handjobs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
