Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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