So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
