loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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