no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize