shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
