Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
