so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
