Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
