I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
