I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
