i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
