Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
