Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
