Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
