I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I just sharted jello shots
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
