never play flip cup with pint glasses
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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