It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so explain again why im purple
no
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
