I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
