I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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