i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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