dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
