from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
