I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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