Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
