Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
