How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
