All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
