just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
