I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
