piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
