Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
