Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
