What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no you cant smoke seaweed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
