Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
