I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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