i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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