so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
