I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
