Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
