So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
