Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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