If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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