So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
