do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
