Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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