your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
